Deep Breath, Keep Going

Ignorance is definitely bliss. But, its still ignorance.
I spent the last few weeks missing those times when I really felt "alive".
But then, I got too much of it all at once, and not the good kind.

I'm so so glad this came at a time when I really know who I am, or else I don't know if I would be able to pull through.
But, I'm an adult now, and I'll take it like an adult.
At least thats what I keep telling myself.

10 Weird Things

1.  I have a nervous habit where i write everything I hear down on my thumb with my pointer finger. It kind of looks like I'm just rubbing those two fingers together, but I'm actually writing. If you know me well enough, you've probably seen me doing it. 
2. I truly love emergencies. I fantasize about  saving lives. 
3.  I have weird chunks of time, about once a year, where I get addicted to cinnamon. I crave it, I put it on everything, its all I can think about. My life revolves around eating cinnamon. Its been happening for as long as I can remember. 
4.  Every time I turn the light off at night, I have to do it 5 or 6 times before I feel ok about it. 
5.  I've seen every episode ever made of The Office, and Malcolm in the Middle. And I highly recommend both by the way. Thanks Netflix.
6.  I've never seen Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, or any other  Disney cartoon from start to finish.  
7. 8. I hate people. 
8.  For as long as I can remember I've always slept with my head at the opposite end of the bed that people would normally think to sleep at. 
9.  I've been skinny dipping 8 different times, in 4 different rivers, the lake at Girls Camp, and my latest addition to the list: the wave pool at Seven Peaks. 
10.  One time I stole and candle from an art store that was going out of business. And I DONT regret it. 

So I've Stopped Eating

So I've stopped eating.
I haven't owned my own shampoo in 5 weeks.
I've run out of gas in the middle of state street TWICE.
I go to school full time, AND I work 30 hours a week.
I'm pretty sure Collections has me on speed dial.

Yet I still cant pay my bills. I just cant. I literally have 7 cents in my bank account. How is anyone else surviving?? I honestly don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I just needed to vent for a second.

All emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes.

Anything longer than that is self inflicted. 

I read once that if we can separate ourselves from our minds, and watch its craziness, from the outside looking in, then we are no longer prisoner to our own bodies. 

I try it all the time, but I have yet to be able think that way. 

Am I Alone, Here?

So, I don't really like music.
And its weird cause everyone I know is like "Oh my heck music is my life", etc.
And then here I am, I don't know any bands, I don't play any instruments, nor do I want to learn, I have absolutely no idea how to pronounce "Bon Iver", I don't know any songs, the only concert I've ever been to was Neon Trees, and I was way too sweaty to even enjoy any of it.
When people ask me what type of music I listen to, I'm always like, "Oh, uhh, whatever is on the radio?". Yeah.
So my question here is, I am alone? Is there anyone else out there that music doesn't really play a role in their life?
Thank you, Amen.
Also I really like this picture:

Keep Going

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill 

Not My Idol

I think an important part of growing up is finding people who you want to be like. 
An even more important part though, I feel, is finding people you will NEVER want to be like. 
Seeing both ends of the spectrum is really important in finding who you are. 
The following are people I hope I never even resemble in any aspect.
Or, I would rather die than become like them. 

         1. Zooey Deschanel -mostly because of this quote:

“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep…feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.”

Being tender is beautiful?? Come on woman, your making the rest of us look bad. When I grow up I don't want to be viewed as someone who is "beautifully sensitive", or is moved by a freakin' tea kettle, I wanna be known for being strong and intelligent and good at what I do. NOT my "vulnerable heart". 

        2. My Aunt - and because this is a public blog, I wont get specific as to which side of the fam, or the name of said person. 

My aunt is one of those moms who you can just tell has spent one too many days in the dark, only talking to her crying infant. I mean, she SUCKS at talking to anyone over the age of 3. And she has forgotten all about what normal adults talk about, because her topic of conversation are usually diaper rash and her child learning the words of his body parts.... Yeah. 

       3. Mitt Romney

Look at that face, whats not to hate? But really, he is so incredibly tied to his religion that he cant see any other point of view. He thinks that everyone who doesnt think exactly like him is wrong, he's brainwashed. That kind of narrow-mindedness will get you into some serious trouble, and keep you from going places in life.