My Job

For many unknown reasons, I have chosen a job, in which, at any one moment,  am single-handedly responsible for around 12000 lives.

And at this unnamed place of employment, in the event of an emergency, the job hierarchy shifts, and puts me at the very top, to deal with such an emergency, alone.
Only me. Me and my 18 year old, small, scared, self.
I've never really thought about what that is going to be like. And it didn't even really hit me until a few days ago.
I've always tried to be perceived as someone who is strong, someone who could fully take care of themselves, and handle anything, and I've never been one to admit my weaknesses, but for the sake of putting all the cards out on the table: I'm scared. 
I'm so so scared. And I'm worried I wont be able to handle it.
Just knowing that even the smallest of mistakes could mean the life or death of a living human being, is like no pressure I've ever experienced before.
I cant screw up. There is no place for error in this type of job.
And if I were to do something wrong, I would have to live the rest of my life knowing that I could have saved that person. They would still be walking around, breathing and talking and living.

What I do know, however, is that I'm good at what I do. And I AM strong. But being strong is easy when you live a cushy life and have never been faced with anything more traumatic than having a car without air conditioning.